The mind churns clashing memories as if they were happening in real time, making it difficult to be present. It’s been two years since I left my ex-husband, aka the narcissist in my life. One of them, perhaps the most obvious one, is that annoying “what if” that messes with our minds, not only when it comes to love, but with life in general. He was my first love. If you dreamed a recent ex apologized or wanted you back… “What I hear a lot from people who are dreaming about a recent ex is that they’ll dream the ex is professing their love and saying ‘I really wish we were back together’ or ‘I’m sorry’ or something along those lines. Maybe you met them at a great moment of your life that you want to relive, or they embody something you’ve wanted to incorporate in your life, like an attitude, an activity, or a feeling. Or, as it happened to me, the “what if” disappears once you get to know the person and realize that maybe they weren’t that great.Â, This last point is related to another reason why we wish to reconnect with that crush: because they represent an idea that we yearn for. A year after his breakup, one young man explained to me that he would imagine his ex being proud of him when he accomplished a difficult task. High school was over, and I wanted to stay in my home country for university but I thought that won't actually help me, so I moved. My ex and I broke up twenty years ago in 2000. These ideas can be especially tempting if you’re going through a bad moment, or if you’re bored by your routine.Â, The bad part of these idealizations is that they stop you from seeing the good things that might be happening around you. Maybe they’re even better, or they changed for worst. So if you’re hoping to get back together at some point, give him space. He was behaving as if he didn’t want to be with me, arguing with me and our son all the time. I know my ex missed me, but learning to appreciate me after divorce was hard for her. However, he broke it of because of long distance issues. Its probably just us as humans overthinking our past decisions. 5 Reasons You Still Miss Your Abusive Ex! Maybe you meet them once again, you hang out, go on a date, and actually find out that things do work for you. Your head tells your heart, “Really? I’m glad that you have come to grips with it… And for the record I changed more diapers than she did June 26th, 2014 Reply When nothing happened with your crush or the relationship was cut short for any reason, you might start coming up with many possible scenarios of a long relationship with them, mostly based on the idea you had of that person. When I was fifteen years old, I had the biggest crush on one of my classmates at a writing workshop. However, what you can actually do is to find out why you’re feeling that way, and see if there's something you can do about those feelings.Â, As much as your heart trolls you when you least expect it, it reveals things about yourself that your rational mind might be overlooking. When you fall for someone, you only see the best of them, and if you suddenly meet them years later, the only reference you’ll have of them is that idealization that remained in your mind. Moreover, according to psychotherapist Lori Gottlieb in an article forÂ, , those ideals are a means through which we reconnect with some parts of ourselves we left in the past. Im thinking about messaging her Friends, (our situations are strikingly similar) to see if it would be a good idea to send her a message but I just dont know yet. Abused him too would change my life girls, but learning to me. Will begin to feel your absence and realize what life is like without you, 3... 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